


Inevitable

by spidermilk



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, Betrayal, Dark Character, Evil Steven Universe, Fallen Hero, Family Issues, Homeworld Hierarchy (Steven Universe), Murder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steven Universe Future, Teenage Rebellion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidermilk/pseuds/spidermilk
Summary: Like mother, like son....Except he’swayworse.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 162





	1. Happily Ever After

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is the polar opposite of a fix-it fic. Not romance-oriented at all, by the way, though Connverse is technically canon at the start. It’s kinda dark.
> 
> ...Dark, but, y’know, not “Steven fucking dies in Chapter One” dark, so it’s not too bad. 
> 
> Also, side note: Rebecca Sugar has stated that there might be hope for more content in some form in the future, so don’t lose hope that the canon story is fully over. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Steven Universe is gone. 

He has been for a long, long time, long before his pink outbursts began. 

It was sometime after his fifteenth birthday. He’d been so excited, so ready for a normal birthday party, for a cake and a song and a silly human ceremony that he loved every bit of. 

For a day without worrying about the Diamonds or about saving the world. 

For _his_ day. 

And he’d had many a day like that, sure. After White Diamond had broken her terrifyingly emotionless reign of Homeworld and its operation, Steven had rejoiced, taking a well-deserved breath of relief, spending more time with Connie, the Gems, and his human friends. 

Of course, it hadn’t lasted. Not even for someone as happy-go-lucky as Steven. 

He was jumpy, everyone noticed, quite easily startled more often that not. 

Still kind, though. 

Still caring, maybe a little too much. 

Old habits die hard, after all. It was well-known that one of Steven’s favorite things about himself was that he could “befriend anyone”, make anyone smile. He loved seeing people happy. 

His loved ones often wondered if that made _him_ happy, too. 

Was spreading love and laughter really enough? Or was he holding something back? 

Pearl, though she hadn’t watched Steven sleeping in years, would often observe strange little habits of his. 

Talking to himself, sometimes almost seeming to argue. Periodically checking on the Gems one by one, making sure that everyone was doing well, at around the same times every single day.

And the _flinching_. That was the worst. 

Pearl deeply disliked seeing Steven uncomfortable, and it seemed as if he was constantly so, these days, despite his chipper attitude. 

Maybe she was imagining it. She hoped so. 

And then, a little while after Steven’s sixteenth birthday, they’d all come up to lay down and enjoy the breeze over the cliff, happy to be happy. 

It’s safe to say that the day went downhill from there. 

A strange, hostile gem arrived, defeated the Crystal Gems, and nearly killed Steven (and the planet), only to meet her match as Steven managed to get through to her and fix what she had destroyed. 

Garnet, after that had been done with, had been particularly satisfied with how things had turned out. 

She’d found herself without even knowing herself, Steven had connected with his father, and Amethyst and Pearl had recovered as well, all with Steven’s guidance and determination. He was becoming a wonderful person, though the situation hadn’t been in any way his fault. 

After Spinel had left with the Diamonds, Steven had gotten more involved in Little Homeworld (and with Connie, his best-friend-turned-girlfriend). 

His rigid diet and schedules were amusing in particular to Amethyst, who never thought that the kid who once played in the trash piles with her would turn out to be so organized. 

But hey, she didn’t mind it. Steven was still her buddy, and she was doing better either way. 

Things were somewhat calm for the first time since Rose had died. 

Or so they’d thought.


	2. Hopeless Case

“...my Diamond”, said Jasper, and Steven’s heart jumped at the almost unnatural sight of the great Quartz’s horned head bowed before him. 

“ _No_ ”, he whispered. 

This wasn’t right at all. 

All his life, Steven had been raised to be free, raised to treat everyone as an equal. Pearls weren’t property, they were gems like everyone else. Diamonds weren’t better than the rest, they were just bigger, more powerful. 

And even though Jasper still scared him a little, what with her ruthless, violent tendencies, he knew that this wasn’t right. 

He didn’t want this. 

Jasper was worth more than this— she was her own gem, even if she didn’t know it yet, because she hadn’t yet accepted her own flaws, Homeworld’s flaws. 

He definitely didn’t deserve this respect from someone he just...

Oh, stars. 

Jasper was still kneeling in front of him as he took a step backwards. 

“Jasper, I’m not— I don’t— _what?_ ”

“Whatever you need done, I’ll do it. You _beat_ me. You’re better than me. You really are her.”

No, no, no...

Hands shaking, Steven turned away. 

This was too much. He needed to get out of here— he’d _broken_ someone. 

He was horrible. He was beyond saving.

Not like Pink Diamond, though. 

Worse. 

Steven had never imagined that was possible. 

Dimly, he was aware of Jasper getting silently to her feet, a knock resounding through the room as she went to open the door. 

The frantic voices of the Crystal Gems blended into one another, a mess of accusatory, worried questions, interrupted by the gruff voice of Jasper as she stepped through ahead of him. 

_I just shattered someone. I just shattered someone. I just shattered someone._

Steven’s nerves felt like they were on fire. He could _feel_ their stares. Their confusion. Their anxiety... all for nothing, because clearly, he was a... bad person. Not someone they should care so much for, like some naive little kid. Not some sweet, golden boy, not who they’d expected him to be, who they’d raised him to grow up to become. 

He was everything he didn’t want to be. Angry... bitter... violent. A shatterer. 

He’d killed someone. 

And he wasn’t about to risk hurting his family next. 

Unconsciously, Steven’s legs had carried him up the stairs, through the house and to the Homeworld warp. As the sounds of footsteps behind him became louder, the noises of the world flooding back into his head, he panicked. 

They were too _close._

His hand flew out, and Steven didn’t even have to look at the gems behind him to know he’d blocked them off. 

“What the heck!”, came Amethyst’s protest, but he wasn’t about to lower the barrier. 

It was for their own good. 

“Guys”, Steven croaked, “I love you, but— you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.” 

He paused, trying to keep his voice from breaking, yet also from giving out. 

He was so tired. 

“...Please, don’t follow me. You too, Jasper. Find something better to do with your life.” 

It felt harsh to his ears even as he said it, but he meant it. 

Steven really didn’t need someone sucking up to him, not on top of everything else that was going on. It was exactly what he _didn’t_ deserve— not to mention how Jasper clearly still didn’t understand that Homeworld’s entire hierarchy had been disbanded. 

Steven knew that Jasper’s greatest pride, as well as her only life’s purpose, was to impress and serve the Diamonds and assert herself over ‘lesser’ gems. He knew that she needed to defeat that mentality. 

But he didn’t have the energy for it anymore. 

Let her figure it out herself, for once. 

The soft sound of someone leaning against his shield made him wince. 

“Steven”, said Garnet, “Remember— we’ll always be your family.” 

That was exactly why he couldn’t be around them right now. 

Without saying goodbye, Steven activated the warp, willing it to take him to Homeworld. 

The looming outline of the Diamond palace was the first thing he saw after he landed. 

Normally, he’d have appreciated it for the architecture, and the drastic changes he saw all around: colorful banners, more walkways, busier corridors— but he wasn’t in the mood to stop and smell the roses. Even the really pretty orange-ish ones that he passed, so zoned out that he didn’t realize how much plant life was here now, filling the now much clearer air with sweet, organic smells. 

A group of gems was in the grand hall when he got there, clearly on a tour of the place. Some gems hung out chatting, and there were posters here and there with gem writing and images of various, vaguely political-looking gems displayed. It was like a weird alien museum. 

...Er, well, that’s what it _was_ , he supposed. 

Most of the small touring group was moving on now as he approached, frowning as a purple-hued, elegant-looking Pearl mentioned something about the power of a Diamond. 

Standing behind a Topaz, however, was a pink gem. 

_Hoo, boy._

Spinel looked better, honestly, even if she was still pretty clingy— and a bit too much. 

Steven quelled his annoyance at her slightly obnoxious displays of affection and forced himself to make small talk. 

Luckily, Spinel returned the courtesy, and when Steven started to explain his problem, she perked up, inviting him to follow her. 

Yellow Diamond was sitting at a large desk in what looked like a Diamond-sized study. 

The room matched her, yet it felt more lively than he would’ve expected, with warm rays of the nearest star’s light falling onto the various flora in the space and creating delicate golden shadows on the floor where the window designs were casting them. 

At even more of a surprise to Steven, Yellow was repairing broken gems, fixing their forms, and practically bubbling about fixing the Cluster, too. 

It was so oddly _nice,_ such a change from what he was used to, that Steven was just a little hopeful that she might be able to help him. 

But she didn’t get his point, at first, altering his size— not what he was looking for. 

An eyebrow characteristically raised at Steven’s shouting, she eventually told him that Blue might be of better help. 

Blue Diamond was not, in fact, better equipped to help. 

She seemed out of it, and Steven realized that while her intentions were good, and she’d probably positively impacted plenty of scared and traumatized gems, she didn’t understand what was happening to him any better than he did. 

So it was down to White. 

And he really, _really_ wasn’t too happy about that. 

Steven regarded White Diamond as a (very) distant, overly doting, clueless relative, at best. 

At worst... she tended to rob him of a good night’s sleep without knowing it. For stars’ sake, she’d ripped his gem out! 

White Diamond was sitting, stone-like, in the center of her room when he arrived with Spinel in tow. She greeted him the second he entered the room. 

Whatever a “reversed” ability meant, Steven wasn’t so sure he wanted to know, but he felt obliged to ask. 

Yikes. 

White Diamond made him intensely uncomfortable as it was, but seeing Spinel essentially puppeting her towering, now pink-tinged form was something he didn’t think he could unsee. 

Sure, it was probably fun for some gems, like Spinel. Steven was sure that they appreciated the opportunity to feel big and strong. Who wouldn’t? 

He just wasn’t so sure that White would be able to help him either, and Spinel’s enthusiastic prancing (and the earthquake that ensued) wasn’t helping to ease his thoughts. 

White Diamond at least seemed to know that Steven needed to have a serious conversation, though, so he couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved when Spinel left at first. 

...Followed by a growing sense of panic that he tried his hardest to ignore. 

And when White let Steven do what Spinel had, he quickly realized that this had been a mistake. 

Steven remembered the feeling of terror, years ago, back when White had taken his friends, taken his gem. 

She’d nearly taken his life. 

A hot flash of rage zinged through Steven’s body, and soon, it grew ice-cold, festering in his movements as he moved White’s form around, moved himself around— he didn’t physically register his own, soft hands on the pillar. 

All he felt was _cold._

And then pain— because he’d just slammed his own head into a pillar, sending both him and White Diamond flying to the floor. 

What just happened? Why had... wait... 

Oh, god. 

He’d almost done it again. 

“What _was_ that?!” , gasped White Diamond from somewhere nearby, and Steven rushed to his feet. 

“I don’t know.” He was already running.

But he _did_ know. He knew exactly what he’d almost done to her. 

If his family couldn’t fix him, and if the most powerful beings he knew couldn’t fix him... 

Ignoring the worried voices of the other Diamonds and Spinel on his way out, Steven sprinted outside, heading for the warp back to Earth. He needed to go. 

Wait. 

Spinel was right behind him, of course— but maybe she could help? He had to try. 

No, no, of course she’d start singing...

Because who was the one that helped people? 

_Steven!_

Who fixed them?! 

_He_ did! 

And now it was him that was wrong, him that was broken. 

That settled it. 

There was no cure for being Steven Universe. 

Steven felt himself swell again, the bright pink glow lighting his body up again as Spinel continued with her ridiculous gimmicks. 

The ground seemed to get further from him as he started running, clutching at his face, begging his form to stop changing, wishing more than anything that he could powerwash the deformities away like his dad had once done for him. 

The Diamonds called for him too as he got to the pad, guilt crushing him. He’d almost shattered someone— again. And White was still there, unaware of how he really was, trying to help. 

They all were. 

And for what? 

“Please, don’t follow me!”, he pleaded, and as he did, they all disappeared in a flash of blue light. 

There was no turning back for him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we’re caught up, the real fun can begin! 
> 
> And by fun, of course, I mean not that.


	3. Home Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven makes a snack stop.

The woods surrounding Beach City were particularly tranquil today, the sky coated with mellow grey clouds.

At Jasper’s cave shelter, there was no greenery to be seen, however— a result of her, and eventually Steven’s, presence in that area. Dead grass and dry dust blew over the abandoned haphazard pile of rocks and into the crater that was now there, a soil-filled scar. 

One lone gull, preening its feathers and shaking off sand, was perched on a rock. 

It was plump, clearly used to human food— probably a regular visitor of Funland. 

Gulls didn’t usually fly this far inland, but this one had wanted to change up its schedule, for once, because even birds get bored. 

It’s safe to say that this gull didn’t expect what it was seeing here. 

Barren land, devoid of life. Scuff marks— signs of a fight. Maybe multiple. 

And that weird crater, too, which the bird was idly debating on checking for insects. What on earth could have caused it? 

The bird jumped at the sound of a crack: somewhere nearby, a tree was falling. 

Looking up at the sky, the gull cocked its fuzzy head. 

How odd. Why would a tree fall if there wasn’t even a breeze to push it? 

Then, there were more sounds like it. Cracking, creaking, the snapping of branches. 

Something was coming. 

Wary, the bird spread its wings and lifted off of its perch— just in time to see a human burst through the treeline and fall to their knees. 

Panting, Steven rose to his feet. 

He was tired, and scared, but he was also relieved: he’d gotten away again. 

After warping back home, the Crystal Gems, Connie, and his father had been waiting in the house for him, set on getting him to talk to them. 

But they didn’t understand. They wouldn’t. 

And if they knew what he’d done, how bad he was, they wouldn’t want to. 

So he’d left— in a bubble, the only relatively safe way to do so without forcing his friends and family away from him. 

And then he’d sped up again, given himself some time, and before he knew it, Steven was back in the woods, back where he’d fought Jasper. 

Back where he’d shattered her. 

Steven winced as he got to his feet, blinking as he saw a stray seagull fly past him. 

What was he supposed to do now? 

There was no way he could risk being around the Gems. He would just end of hurting them, like how he hurt Jasper. 

He couldn’t trust himself. 

Hissing, Steven gritted his teeth as the flaring grew worse, his limbs and body changing shape at random, making his vision blur several times before a wave of pink washed over it. 

The crater that he’d made earlier was right there. He felt like it was looking at him. 

He went over to its edge. 

Obviously, Steven knew that he wouldn’t find any evidence here. Gems didn’t bleed, or lose teeth, or get their hair ripped out. 

But to him, it felt just the same. 

Along the sides of the hole were sharp indentations where his shields had held Jasper in place, long scrapes in the dirt revealing grass dead roots and stones. 

In the crater’s center, there were more impressions: cone-shaped holes stabbing the dirt. Those awful spikes that he’d made. 

“What’s wrong with me?”, Steven murmured, hands gripping his own hair. 

Every single thing he’d done was right here in front of him. 

Like a beacon. 

God. He had to cover this. 

Eyes darting around in case anyone was nearby, Steven dug his hands into the soil, now dead and dry, and began scooping the excess into the crater. Gradually, the marks began to smooth out, but Steven was aware that he didn’t have enough dirt to fill the entire space. 

“Okay”, he said aloud, dusting off his jeans, “That’s done with. But now what?” 

He knew he couldn’t stay here forever— the Gems were bound to find him sooner or later, and what with the destruction he’d caused that day, he was petrified of being near anyone right now. 

Sitting down on a rock, he sighed. “Where can I even go?” 

He’d always lived in Beach City. 

It felt wrong to go anywhere else, and yet... 

No, he couldn’t bring himself to leave Earth. No way. 

He would simply have to find somewhere close by where he could stay. Somewhere where he wouldn’t be recognized. And he needed to do it fast. 

Suddenly, a twig snapped behind him and he whirled around, shield raised. 

It was Jasper. 

Her pale eyes widened. “I apologize— I didn’t think you’d be here, my Diamond...”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“I’m sorry, my—“

He put up a hand. “Um, nevermind. Do you know anywhere I could stay?” 

As Jasper looked over at her pile of rocks, Steven frowned. 

“... _Besides_

_Jasper threw a glance towards the forest, and then gestured to it with her thumb. “I hid in the wilderness before I came here, you could try that.”_

__

Steven nodded. “Okay. Thanks.” 

__

Jasper looked very much like she wanted him to stay and keep talking, but she didn’t say anything else, watching, dejected, as he walked away towards the forest. 

__

Despite the earlier gloom, the sun was making an occasional experience through the clouds, and the ocean breeze was still carrying over into the woods here, trees sparse enough to allow for it. 

__

Steven sighed as he breathed it in. He just needed to spend some time away, right? This could help. This could fix the whole thing. 

__

All he needed to do was calm down and get control of himself. Easy, right? 

__

Well, maybe not now— but eventually. That had to be true, time changed things. It changed _people_. 

__

And Steven was in desperate need of change. 

__

He’d brought his phone with him, as he’d still had it in his back pocket ever since he’d woken up that morning— it was turned to silent, but already it had exploded with worried messages from his family, all asking where he was and if he was okay. 

__

Hastily, he sent out a group message: ‘I’m fine. Don’t look for me’, and shut off the thing, but not before noticing that its battery was low. 

__

“Welp”, he muttered, “least I didn’t plan on using it anyway.” 

__

As Steven continued walking, he realized how hungry he was. He guessed that turning pink kind of blocked out those sorts of feelings. 

__

Frowning, he glanced around. He wasn’t exactly in an apple orchard here. 

__

Where was he meant to get a bite to eat when he didn’t want to be seen? 

__

“Uh— Steven?” 

__

He stiffened. How had they found him so fast—

__

Oh. 

__

One foot on the ground to keep balanced, Pee Dee Fryman was on a dingy old bike, looking surprised to see his friend in the middle of the forest. 

__

Geez, when did he get that tall? The kid looked like he’d been stretched out like pizza dough, all gangly limbs, but his messy hair hadn’t changed too much at all except to fit his face. Steven honestly couldn’t remember the last time they’d talked. 

__

“Oh, heyyyyyy... what’cha doin’ out here this fine afternoon, Pee Dee?” 

__

Pee Dee glared. “I come out here at least three times a week, Steven. I literally saw you last month.” He blinked. “You look a little, uh, glowy...?” 

__

Steven waved a hand. “Puberty, am I right?” 

__

The blonde didn’t seem to agree, but shrugged awkwardly anyway. 

__

He rubbed his neck. “Okay, well, guess I’ll see you later then. You should come by the fry place sometime, we could catch up, or something, y’know?” 

__

His familiar crooked smile made Steven mirror him unconsciously. It was hard not to feel at ease around the kid. 

__

“Yeah, definitely.” 

__

As Pee Dee waved and turned to ride away, Steven groaned— that was Pee Dee Fryman, and if anyone knew where to eat at, it was him. 

__

Plus, loyalty discounts. 

__

“Wait! Could I maybe take you up on that now?” 

__

Steven was immensely relieved to let someone else take the (literal) wheel as Pee Dee pedaled them back to the boardwalk. 

__

Oddly enough, it wasn’t too busy today, but Steven still ducked behind his friend in the hole he wouldn’t be recognized. He really couldn’t handle that right now. 

__

“Alright”, Pee Dee breathed as they rolled to a stop behind his family’s restaurant. “Hop off.” 

__

The place was open, so they didn’t have to use any key to get in. Mr. Fryman was inside, serving a customer, and waved backwards without looking as he heard the door open. 

__

“C’mon, I’ll get you something out of the freezer. We have a microwave in the back.” 

__

Steven had never actually been inside the fry shop before, but he knew that they had a back room. It was reasonably spacious, though a little chilly, since the walk-in freezer was right there as well. He waited gratefully at a smallish table as his friend grabbed some frozen fries and what looked like some sort of TV dinner out of a shelf in the freezer, unwrapped them in a bowl, and popped them in the microwave. 

__

It was strange— Steven felt significantly calmer in here, but maybe it was the smell of french fries that was doing it. 

__

Or maybe it was because he wasn’t _pressured_ here. 

__

The benefit of not having talked to Pee Dee in so long (save for last month, which he did not recall in the slightest) was that Pee Dee hadn’t seen him messing up. He hadn’t seen his... wrongness. His anger. 

__

What he’d done. 

__

And maybe it was sort of dishonest, but Steven preferred it this way, at least for the time being. It was refreshing to have someone to talk to who didn’t worry about him night and day, or expect him to know what to do. 

__

Embarrassingly, Steven realized that he’d been staring down at the table the whole time, but Pee Dee didn’t look indignant or annoyed. He just looked confused. 

__

“So, uh, what’s been happening with you, Steven? How have you been after that pink spaceship came and nearly destroyed the town?” 

__

Steven snorted. “I’ve been... good.” 

__

“Really?” 

__

“Y—yeah.” 

__

There was a short silence before the microwave beeped, and Pee Dee got up to take the food out. 

__

“Want ketchup?” 

__

“You know it.” 

__

The fries (and TV dinner, surprisingly) smelled heavenly after not having eaten for who knows how many hours, and Steven thanked his friend before digging in. 

__

The meal helped to clear his mind, and Pee Dee sat patiently while he ate, watching his father work from where he was sitting. 

__

“By the way, I’m on my break, so that’s why I’m sitting here”, Pee Dee said. “Just so you don’t think I’m slacking off or anything.” 

__

Steven wiped his mouth with a napkin. “You? Slacking off? Never.” 

__

He got up then, bunching up the napkin and plastic fork he’d used and tossing them into the adorably tiny trashcan by the door. 

__

Pee Dee’s eyebrows were raised, but he wasn’t saying anything. 

__

“What?” 

__

“You’re not pink anymore.” 

__

“Oh.” 

__

Steven said his goodbyes and left, cowering under the cover of shade before speed-walking in the opposite direction of the boardwalk, heart still thumping at the prospect of being caught. 

__

He felt... better. Definitely calmer. 

__

But still not ready to go back. 

__

Managing to make it to the trees after a brisk walk, Steven climbed one, forming a bubble around himself and wedged it between the branches to create a makeshift hammock. 

__

“Night one”, he whispered to himself, peering up at the darkening sky. 

__

It didn’t take him very long to drift off into sleep.

__


	4. Heritage

Steven didn’t rest well, or easy. His mind drifted from vague nightmares to the feeling of falling, eventually forcing him to wake up. 

Naturally, it was pitch black out— probably not even 5 AM yet, he figured. 

Well, he certainly wasn’t going back to sleep. 

Stiff and cold, Steven dissolved the bubble he’d been in, barely catching himself on a branch before letting gravity take him down. (He would’ve floated, but he didn’t trust that it would’ve worked at all.) 

Although it was dark out, Steven wasn’t uneasy about it. 

He felt strangely calm, in fact, but before he could wonder if he was still asleep and dreaming, his gaze fell on an odd shape a few yards in front of him.

Steven squinted and leaned forward before he remembered that the Gems used their gemstones as light sources all the time. Why shouldn’t that work for him too? 

To his surprise, he didn’t have to try very hard to get it to work, only having to concentrate for a few moments before a cold, rosy light began to emanate from his gemstone, illuminating the area around him. 

And revealing the towering, stoic form of Jasper, standing right in front of him. 

“ _Jasper?!_ ”, Steven exclaimed, stepping back. “What are you doing here?” 

She looked down, her expression neutral. “Forgive me. I was guarding you while you were — er— dormant.” 

Steven was about to tell her to go away again, that he didn’t need her protection, but truthfully, he was lonely. Uncertain. 

...Bored. 

He sighed. “It’s okay, Jasper. I don’t think I can go back to sleep, though.” 

Jasper raised her horned head. “Then what will you do?” 

That was a good question. What _would_ he do besides sleep at this hour? 

He was feeling so strange lately, so out of it. Steven honestly felt like sparring, training with Jasper again, but his conscience was preventing him. He wasn’t going to risk hurting or breaking Jasper— not again. No matter how pent-up he felt. 

But... what else could he do? How could he make himself feel better without taking it out on Jasper? 

Jasper waited silently, watching as Steven sat down on the forest floor with a sigh. 

“I think”, he started, “I’d like you to tell me about your duties to Homeworld.” 

Steven wasn’t sure how she would take it, but, as it turned out, the Quartz was delighted to talk about her time serving Homeworld. 

She especially got into her war stories, which Steven expected. Jasper clearly prided herself on her battle prowess and every victory under her belt. 

And, he asked himself internally, what was wrong with that? What was wrong with being good at what you were made for? At least she _had_ a purpose. 

All this time, all his life, Steven had hated the idea of fighting. Of causing damage and possibly pain on purpose, even if a fight is unavoidable. 

He still didn’t exactly _enjoy_ it, but his attitude had changed recently. Steven was learning to appreciate the potential of fighting— the good outcome of bettering himself. 

He was, without a doubt, fed up of holding back— of hesitating. 

Hell, maybe he did enjoy fighting now. 

As Jasper continued to delve into her past, Steven found himself hanging onto her every word.

How she’d emerged in the Kindergarten, fresh and new. How she’d quickly been showed her place in gemkind— and how she’d been devoted to carrying out her purpose to the best of her abilities. 

She’d never officially spoken to Pink Diamond, she admitted. Jasper had seen and heard her many times, but had never had the privilege of speaking face-to-face. And how could she, even if the opportunity arose? A Quartz soldier, no matter how mighty, wasn’t permitted to speak out of turn, not even Jasper herself. 

“But I knew I would gladly be shattered for her sake in an instant”, Jasper sighed. “Pink Diamond was my reason for existing at all. I didn’t think twice about it.” 

“So you never spoke to her, but you would die for her?”, Steven piped up. “How were you so loyal to someone you didn’t really know?” 

Jasper shrugged. “It’s our way. What other purpose did I have? Like I told you, I enjoy fighting. I like being the best soldier I can be. It’s hard not to believe in someone that you were literally made for.” 

Steven supposed he couldn’t argue with that. When he was younger, he’d idolized his mother too— of course, he hadn’t known nearly as much about who she really was, but her legacy was there all the same. Steven had felt such a pressure to live up to her. 

He remembered Pearl, how she’d used to talk about Rose Quartz and how great she was. That kind of feeling sounded like worship.

He couldn’t help but feel curious: what was so great about devoting yourself to one person? 

“Jasper... why did you call me your Diamond?” 

The Quartz narrowed her eyes. “Are you not? You’ve got a Diamond’s gem.” 

Steven frowned. “No, I know, but I mean... didn’t Rose— didn’t Pink Diamond betray you? She rebelled. She wasn’t who you thought she was. Doesn’t that make you hate her?” 

“No”, said Jasper. “It doesn’t. I was made for her. And even though she broke the rules, I respected her power.” 

She paused, messing with something on the ground. 

“I hadn’t seen power like that since she was still around. Not until now. Not until you started to accept that you came from her. _All of her_.” 

All of her. 

Huh. 

If Steven was just using what he naturally had, what his Diamond mother has passed down to him, how was that wrong? He’d be suppressing himself if he didn’t. 

Pink Diamond had been suppressed all her life, just like him. She’d been looked down upon for thinking differently. It was why she’d been pushed to start the rebellion in the first place. 

Steven was starting to think that his mother had had every right to be angry. 

Every right to shatter someone, even, although she never had, to his knowledge. 

What a shame that was. Hadn’t Pink Diamond known how strong she actually was, and how strong she _could_ have been? She could bring back the dead, gem or organic, judging by Steven’s abilities. She could heal any wound, any amount of damage, and it would be as if it had never happened, save for a scar or two, or a color change, maybe. 

Steven owed it to her memory to use all of his Diamond strength, then. He would show everyone how wrong they’d been about him and his mother. 

How wrong they’d been to underestimate them. 

So what if he’d shattered Jasper? 

She was here now, wasn’t she? 

She was fine. 

It didn’t matter at all, what he’d done. He’d fixed it. Just like his mother could’ve, with her own powers of healing. 

Steven smiled. “I guess you’re right. I haven’t been utilizing my— her full potential.” 

Jasper mirrored him, her eyes lighting up. “Exactly.” 

Though she was sitting opposite him now, Steven could tell that her demeanor had changed. Jasper’s fire had been rekindled. 

She was waiting. Anticipating. 

Steven stood up, holding out a hand to the Quartz, in more of a gesture of comradeship than one of pity, for he knew very well that she didn’t need the assistance. She took it. 

And then she kneeled, like how she had in Steven’s bathroom after he’d revived her. Steven didn’t stop her. Didn’t want to stop her. 

“Okay, Jasper”, he breathed, nodding down at the striped soldier. 

“Let’s go make a change.”


	5. Havoc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, the Nephrite in this chapter isn’t Centi, she’s a different gem.

The Crystal Gems’ beach house had been in complete chaos since Steven had run off. Connie had left right after he had, hoping she could get through to him, but so far she hadn’t found a trace of the half-gem anywhere. He hadn’t even left her a message. 

What had happened that he couldn’t tell Connie about, for crying out loud? Wasn’t she his best friend-slash-girlfriend? Didn’t that earn her any space in Steven’s heart as someone he could confide in? 

Connie was angry. She wasn’t bitter, but she felt that Steven brushing her off, along with his family and friends, had been terrible. 

It had been so painful to watch him break down and run away without knowing what he was dealing with in the slightest. She’d never expected such an act out of Steven Universe, of all people. 

Now, he was still missing. Connie had looked everywhere she could think of in the span of a matter of hours, searching through the night for him, and hadn’t found a trace. 

Logically, though, she knew he had to be somewhere on Earth; according to an inexplicably distressed call from Blue Diamond, Steven had already come and gone from Homeworld. The singular Earth warp hadn’t been activated by him since— several tech-savvy gems were on constant watch of it to make sure it didn’t malfunction. 

So where was he? He wasn’t answering his phone. Connie had nearly started crying earlier out of confusion and fear. This was so unlike Steven, and it had been seemingly out of nowhere, unless... 

Oh, god, was this because she’d said no? 

Surely not. Steven had said he was fine! 

He wouldn’t lie to her. 

Would he? 

With a heavy heart, Connie sat down on one of Little Homeworld’s benches. It had been the last place she’d checked, with no better luck. 

Mr. Universe and Lion had accompanied her around Beach City earlier, but Greg retired to his van at one point, wincing at a pain in his lower back. He’d felt so terribly guilty for stopping the search and worried about Steven that Connie had had to give the poor man a pep-talk. 

Jeez. She was starting to feel like the only adult around here. 

Since Little Homeworld didn’t ever close, Connie had no concept of what time it was— until she pulled out her phone, that is. 

“8 AM already?”, she protested to no one in particular, shaking her head. It had felt like a mere matter of minutes that she’d been out looking for him. 

“He might just need his space right now”, Garnet had told her, trying to be comforting. 

Connie didn’t agree. It seemed like Steven needed care, more than anything. 

What could this be, other than a desperate plea for help? 

Unless Steven really had gotten himself into something bad, this time. Which she didn’t frankly think he was capable of. Not on purpose, not with bad intentions. Steven, as long as Connie had known him, was simply too loving of a person to ever seek out conflict. 

But really, what was he trying to do by running? Even the Gems couldn’t track him down— not yet, at least. 

He wasn’t trying to be found at all.

Connie was terrified that Steven was finally pushing her away, just like it appeared he was doing with everyone else. 

And maybe there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop that anymore. 

•••

“Seriously, you guys, I want to get the city involved.” 

Greg Universe was pacing the living room of the beach house as the Crystal Gems watched, uneasy. He hadn’t slept in three days and it was starting to show on his face— the way his eyes had darkened, the way that he tugged nervously at what was left of his hair. 

They’d all searched for Steven without a second thought. He was such a huge part of their family— heck, their _world_ — and they weren’t about to give up on him. Not in a million years. 

But Greg? He didn’t have that long. 

He’d always suspected that Steven would live an unusually long life, if not forever, like the gems.  
What would happen if Steven didn’t return? Greg was already done with his youth. He didn’t want his relationship with his son to end. 

Steven wasn’t fully gem, but he wasn’t fully human either. 50 years might pass without him even realizing it, if he were upset and distracted enough. Greg was willing to bet on that. 

“I dunno, man”, Amethyst sighed from the couch. “Steven might freak out if the cops came looking for him.” 

Pearl nodded in agreement. “We shouldn’t make him feel like he’s in trouble.” 

But Greg was hardly listening anymore. As much as he knew the Gems loved Steven, they couldn’t possibly understand what he was feeling— and did something like getting the police involved even matter? 

Steven was a strong kid, and Greg was worried about him. That should be the priority. 

He wouldn’t crumble if faced with a stressful situation: he’d been through countless instances far worse! 

“No. I’m sorry, but we _need_ to find my son, no matter what. All that matters is that he’s okay.” He leaned against the kitchen counter, looking out the window. 

Boy, had he messed up this time. Steven had run away, and Greg had been too wrapped up in his own nostalgia to realize that his kid was hurting. 

Greg didn’t think he could forgive himself for that. 

•••

Three days in the wilderness flew by at lightspeed for Steven. He’d picked up his ‘training’ with Jasper, which was more like casual sparring now. 

He’d been eager to start fighting again, but he’d let Jasper know in no uncertain terms that the fight was to stop at a certain point to avoid permanent damage, like... last time. Jasper had complied without question. 

Which, although it made things easier for Steven, he knew it was mostly because there was no way Jasper was going to try to shatter _him_. Not after pledging her loyalty. 

All the same, her love of battle hadn’t died down at all. Steven found it exhilarating to dash around, getting hits in, found it wildly exciting when Jasper got him back, too. He didn’t mind, even if he’d had to actively encourage her not to go easy on him. 

To his own surprise, Steven found himself engaging in not only combat, but in a sort of mock-rivalry, with Jasper: she’d laugh after knocking him over, and then he’d come right back at her with something she hadn’t seen coming, smirking victoriously when he managed to catch her off guard. 

He was getting better at this. 

But Steven knew that this was only the beginning. He had so many ideas about what he wanted to do next. 

After Jasper had agreed to accompany him, he’d asked her more about her past, about how Homeworld had used to function. Something about such a neatly managed, rigid society made him want to experience it as a Diamond, not just some naive human outsider. 

And sure, there had been some questionable practice on Homeworld, and the way they colonized worlds without regard for their inhabitants. Steven didn’t think that their former cruelty was necessary, but still— he was beginning to want to try out that sort of lifestyle. 

The sort of lifestyle that his father hadn’t appreciated.

As much as Steven loved the Gems, and his dad, they’d never really enforced the rules. 

Steven had often felt like he’d wanted that— a sense of normalcy. Maybe not as strict as Connie’s parents, but... normal. 

So, learning about gem culture was a constant process that Steven enjoyed immensely. He wanted to know more, and he wished he could ask other gems without fear of judgement for his intrigue— or fear of being found. 

That wasn’t what was weighing on him, though. It wasn’t a negative subject for him anymore. 

What was really on his mind nowadays was a seething, fiery anger— something he hadn’t quite felt before, not to this extreme. 

Steven wanted revenge. 

Namely, against White Diamond. 

And revenge was never something he’d been for, so feeling it for himself almost made him ashamed. He’d used to be better than this. 

...No, that wasn’t true; he’d _used_ to be weaker. 

So he wasn’t about to feel bad for this. 

White had nearly killed him. She hadn’t cared about anyone or anything, only her damned _order_ , the exact same oppressive force that Steven had been fighting against his entire life. 

Ha. He knew better. 

He could _be_ better, make everything better, as a matter of fact. 

Did he want revenge on White? Yes. He planned on getting it. 

But Steven wanted so much more than that simple victory. 

•••

Connie’s rigid studying schedule had been offset for days. 

She wasn’t sleeping well, she couldn’t focus, and most of all, she was terribly worried about Steven. 

Worried and _mad_. This was getting to be too much. Was Steven hurt somewhere, or worse? 

Or was he just not willing to call? 

The latter, Connie thought bitterly, would almost be worse. He could at least put her mind at ease with a text. This was _just_ like when he’d gotten himself captured and taken to Homeworld without her. Reckless. Sort of selfish, if she was being honest, even if Steven Universe was one of the least selfish people she’d met in her short lifetime.

“Connie?”, came her mother’s voice, knocking on the door to her room. “I have news for you, when you’re ready.” 

As it turned out, Steven had been sighted mere hours ago in Little Homeworld. Connie’s face had lit up as Dr. Maheswaran had described residents seeing a “pink blur” numerous times this morning, hardly enough to notice if you weren’t looking for it. It was lucky that everyone had been. 

However, the news of Steven’s presence nearby was dampened when Connie’s mother frowned, looking away, and her daughter’s heart sank. 

“Mom, what is it?” 

Dr. Maheswaran sighed, face screwed up in something like pity and discomfort. 

“Some gems and humans did see Steven, Connie, but...” 

“But what? He’s okay, right?” 

“He hurt someone, Connie.” 

Connie felt the color drain from her face. “What?” 

“She’s okay now, but there was a gem found dissipated along the outskirts of Little Homeworld. When she reformed, I overheard her companions. It sounded like Steven.” She paused. “She seemed disoriented, Connie, I’m not sure—“

“There’s no way he meant it, Mom. It had to have been an accident”, blurted Connie, nails beginning to dig into her palms. 

Before her mother could reply, Connie got up from her desk, turning off the light she’d been using to jot down a journal entry. Dr. Maheswaran didn’t stop her, but she placed a gentle hand on her daughter’s shoulder before she could leave. 

“Call me if anything feels wrong. I’ll come.” 

One of the many perks of having a massive, magical feline companion was transportation. Since Beach City was a small place with a tight-knit and trusting community, the Mayor didn’t mind Lion’s presence there, as she knew he’d been Steven’s, a boy that she adored as much as everyone else did. 

A boy that Connie was praying she would find stable and sane. 

Little Homeworld was unusually quiet for it being midday. Gems and humans alike still walked the paths, but the noise level was considerably lower today, as if in nervous anticipation. Some people, usually gems, would glance up at Connie as she rode past on Lion, quickly averting their eyes. 

She wished she could be invisible. It wasn’t a good feeling, to be pitied by everyone. It wasn’t like Steven had died, or anything. And for crying out loud, just because he was haywire lately didn’t mean she had to be devastated! 

Well, she wasn’t happy about it either, but still. Connie disliked the stares she was getting and she intended to find Steven herself, as long as it may take. This was her business— and _her_ friend. 

Her mother had told her to head to one of the greenhouses of the place, where Steven had accidentally caused a plant-related incident a short time before he ran off. 

Connie was starting to see why he’d done it— he must have felt so overwhelmed. 

Now almost fully repaired, the greenhouse gleamed in the sun as Lion slowed to a canter in front of it, waiting for her to dismount him. 

Normally, Connie would’ve just asked Lion to warp there, as it was faster, but she didn’t want to risk missing a glimpse of her best friend along the way. She wasn’t about to lose out on a chance to find him. 

To Connie’s relief, Lapis and Peridot were inside the greenhouse. It looked like they were talking while they worked: Lapis was adjusting an overheard sprinkler as she gave the occasional glance to Peridot, who was arranging plants and flowers on the tables. Connie hopped off of Lion, patted his fuzzy pink head, and jogged up to the door. Lapis saw her right away and went to let her in. 

“Hey, any luck?”, the blue gem asked, clearly trying to sound optimistic. 

“Er... sort of. I was told someone got poofed?” 

Peridot perked up. “Oh, Lapis, I was just about to tell you. Bismuth and I found a Nephrite’s gem on the ground earlier.” 

Lapis made a face. “What? What happened?” 

“Steven happened”, sighed Connie. “Or so I heard.” 

“But that doesn’t make any sense”, Lapis insisted, shaking her head. “Why would _Steven,_ of all people, do something like that— and for no reason?” 

Connie shrugged. “It might’ve been an accident, right?” She glanced at Peridot, who’d been watching with an uneasy expression. “Didn’t you say that he was the one who made this mess in here?” 

Peridot nodded. “He was pretty high strung that day. I figured he was just overworked, but now I don’t know.” She frowned, setting aside the potted lily she’d been trying to find a place for. “From what I know, that’s what happened with Nephrite: an accident. Nothing to worry about, right?” 

Connie didn’t know how to answer that. It seemed like this was plenty to worry about. Steven, even on his worst days, wasn’t a reckless person. He didn’t endanger people, and if he thought someone might be at risk, he’d step in to help them without hesitation. 

He wouldn’t just leave their gem where it lay— that wasn’t like him. 

Then again, he hadn’t been himself lately. 

Peridot led the others further back into the building, another glass room that let the light in from above. Inside, there were ferns of every shape and size, lush and green; they’d been far enough away from Steven’s aura at the time of his outburst that they hadn’t been damaged at all. Connie felt just a little more relaxed in here. 

Sitting in a chair a few feet away was a Nephrite. The gem looked relatively calm, but Connie noticed her twitching hands and wasn’t sure how to read her. 

Connie smiled in an effort to reassure her. “Hi, I’m Connie. Is it okay if I ask you some questions about what happened to you?” 

Nephrite nodded. “Of course.” 

According to the olive gem, there had been an odd incident near an open edge of Little Homeworld; it was a wide break in the bordering wall that led to a nearby hiking trail, and, if one veered far enough off the paths, to a bizarre rock formation that a few people had spotted earlier in the year. Nephrite had been with two other gems— another Nephrite, and a short, spunky Rose Quartz who liked to hang around Beach City. 

They’d been racing each other, trying to scale the wall from the outside, when they’d all heard what sounded like a heated argument nearby.  
Upon investigation, the group walked in on a confusing situation. Steven Universe was there, glowing a worrying pink, a large Jasper standing intimidatingly by his side. 

Connie was flabbergasted at that. “Jasper was there? Just— just hanging around Steven? Are you sure?” 

Nephrite shrugged. “She has the same nose gem I’ve heard about, plus she sort of looked like she wanted to break us when we walked up to them. I figured she was the problematic one everyone talks about.” 

“Huh”, murmured Connie, clenching the smallish notebook she’d brought to note down details. This was getting too weird. “What happened next?” 

“Well, there was someone else there. A Pearl.” 

“What did she look like?” 

“Pink. Damaged eye. I’ve seen her around the gardens before, I think?” 

_Oh, no._

Connie wasn’t too sure what Steven was doing running around with Jasper, of all people, and something about this was starting to feel off. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she knew— something about that Pearl, specifically, was significant. Steven had been talking to her for a reason. But what? 

“Anyway, uh, that Pearl was looking pretty distraught, so Rosie asked if they were bothering her. She just left, though— just went into Little Homeworld. The Jasper tried to go after her, but that Universe boy told her not to, so she didn’t.” 

Connie frowned. Jasper was one of the most ruthless, aggressive gems she’s had the misfortune of meeting. Why was she listening to anything Steven had to say, all of the sudden, not to mention hanging out with him without any sort of conflict? 

Steven had a knack for making friends, sure, but Jasper was different. Had he really, finally gotten through to her? 

“Wait”, Connie said, “How did you get poofed, then? Who did that to you?” 

“Rosie said it was an accident”, Nephrite replied, casting her one-eyed gaze at the ground. 

She looked uncomfortable. 

Connie didn’t want to make her feel like that, but this was too important not to know more about. 

“Nephrite... what exactly happened?” 

The gem shook her head. Glancing helplessly at Peridot, Connie sighed. If whatever had happened had been accidental, then why was Nephrite so hesitant to speak up about it? Had she really just been surprised that badly? Maybe she’d never been poofed before. 

There had to be a reasonable explanation. 

Connie refused to believe that Nephrite could be motivated by actual fear. That wasn’t the person that Steven was— if he’d even been responsible at all. 

Tracking down and questioning Nephrite’s companions wasn’t too hard. The other former pilot told the same story, but she hadn’t actually seen what had poofed her friend, as she’d been trailing behind them. The Rose Quartz was just plain vague, rattling on about how she didn’t like Jasper’s attitude and ignoring every question directed at the events after the Pearl left. 

Connie was starting to get frustrated. It had been a few hours of investigation and she’d learned next to nothing about the incident, and how it might relate to Steven’s possible whereabouts. 

“Hey, Connie?”, Peridot was saying, as they all headed back to the greenhouse. “Maybe you should go get some rest, huh? You humans need your sleep, after a—“

“No. This is _crazy._ I can’t even go to sleep lately, knowing Steven’s somewhere out in the wild, and now he’s traveling with _Jasper?!”_

Lapis flinched, and Connie wished she hadn’t yelled. “Sorry. I just can’t give up on him. He’s my best friend, and more. He wouldn’t give up on me if it were reversed.” 

But as her friends listened sympathetically, Connie knew Peridot was right: she wouldn’t get anywhere by burning herself out. Steven would have probably told her the same— rest, recharge, and try again tomorrow. 

Lapis laid a cautious hand on Connie’s shoulder. “We’re gonna be out here all night, okay? We want to find him too.” 

Connie nodded. “Okay.” 

She’d try again tomorrow morning.


	6. Harvest

Steven was beginning to enjoy the quiet moment of satisfaction after dissipating a gem. 

There had been a time when that gem had only been Jasper, but things were changing, and Steven could no longer afford to take the high road when his goals were at stake. If a gem happened to get in his way, or even go as far as to threaten him and his plan, they’d be poofed. 

Dissipating a gem’s physical form was temporary, after all, he told himself. They’d return in time, so it was no harm done if the situation required a little more force than usual. 

Besides, it wasn’t like it was for no reason! Sometimes it was necessary to poof a gem. He didn’t need to be slowed down. He didn’t need to risk being caught. His friends would probably be stumped, anyway, not making the connection between a bunch of disoriented gems and Steven’s actions. It wasn’t like him, it wasn’t what they would expect him to do. He knew that much. 

It had shaken him, though— despite his new mindset, the first time he’d accidentally poofed a gem other than Jasper. He was used to beating her by now, used to helping her reform. (She was especially efficient at that.) 

So it had set him back a fair amount when an outburst of neon-pink frustration had been too much for a Nephrite standing a bit too close to him. 

The worst part was that he’d had two, possibly three witnesses, not counting Jasper— she understood. 

Steven had run, then, and Jasper had obviously wished he hadn’t, but she didn’t say so. She followed him until they’d both gotten far enough into the wilderness to not risk detection. 

“Jasper, was that too harsh? I was so sure it would’ve gone better”, panted Steven. 

Jasper shrugged. “It’s her loss, my Diamond. Clearly, she’s too wrapped up in her little flowers to understand—“ 

“Not Volleyball, Jasper, I was talking about that Nephrite. I poofed her!” 

“...Oh.” She rubbed the back of her head in a sheepish fashion, rare for her. “Er, I’m sure she’ll be fine, my Diamond.” 

Steven cringed. “Would you please stop calling me that?” 

“Sorry, my— uh, Steven.” 

He sighed. Of course Jasper wouldn’t think twice about poofing someone. She loved to fight. 

And sure, he hadn’t meant to. He’d been in a panic— afraid Nephrite and her friends would call attention to him. The destructive blast of energy hadn’t poofed the other two, thank the stars. But something was nagging at Steven all the same, and he wasn’t sure if he should be listening to it. 

Yet, on the other hand, he had much more to worry about then that Nephrite did. So what if she had happened to be standing too close? 

That wasn’t his fault— it was simply bad luck. 

Unfortunately for him, Steven knew that if she’d reformed already, that meant there were now at least four gems who’d seen him with Jasper— three more than he’d been counting on. 

He’d only intended to speak with Volleyball. 

It was just a simple offer, an opportunity to have a purpose again, to become greater than she was. Steven had always admired Pearl’s agility and battle prowess, maybe Volleyball would prove to have some skill of her own as well. He’d certainly take any help he could get if he was going to try and take down a Diamond, after all. 

On that note, Steven had been pleasantly surprised with Jasper’s immediate agreement to that goal of his in particular. He’d been worried that she wouldn’t have been willing to go after a Diamond, but Jasper’s loyalty to him had proved to be stronger than the Authority. And it wasn’t like he was going to shatter White Diamond. He was just going to make sure that she didn’t pose a threat to h— to the _universe_ — any longer. She couldn’t be trusted, that much was clear. What harm did bubbling her do? 

After fleeing the scene at Little Homeworld, Steven and Jasper had returned to the rock formation. Steven needed to eat something, and Jasper wanted to talk to him. 

As they left the tree-line, the clearing in sight, Jasper cleared her throat. “Excuse me— Steven— may I ask you something?” 

Steven resisted the urge to snort at the Quartz’s obviously conscious effort to use his actual name. “Sure.” 

“Will you be attempting to convince that Pearl to accompany you again, or do you intend on resorting to... other measures?” 

“Other measures...?” 

Jasper looked uncomfortable, like she was trying to put whatever she was saying delicately. “Are you familiar with the Reef?” 

Steven laughed. “Jasper, I’m not going to _reset_ her.” 

Eyeing his clenched fist, Jasper’s eyes widened. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to overstep—“ 

“I don’t think Volleyball is gonna be worth that kind of effort.” 

Jasper raised an eyebrow. Even for this new, powerful version of Steven, she’d expected a more sensitive reaction from the boy. Maybe he really was changing for the better. 

At her silence, Steven continued. “I already have you, right? I won’t need another fighter for awhile. We aren’t there yet.” 

The soldier’s pale eyes gave off the tiniest of sparkles, a habit of hers that Steven was learning meant she had an idea, but she normally wouldn’t speak it unless he acknowledged her first. 

He nodded to her. “Yes?” 

“Might I suggest speaking to Lapis? You and I both know how powerful she can be, and she’s already got the trust of the Crystal Gems. She could be valuable in recruiting others to your cause.” 

Lapis? He hadn’t even considered talking to her. 

With Jasper around, it had been the absolute furthest thing from his mind, but he supposed that most of his friends had been distant from him as well, both physically and mentally. 

Jasper did have a point, though: Lapis Lazuli was extremely powerful, with unique powers that she executed with a mental control that Steven almost envied. 

But how in the stars was he going to convince Lapis to come with him and Jasper? _Peridot_ might be willing, if he managed to convince her, but there was no way he could bring Jasper with him to do it; Lapis wouldn’t hear him out. 

She didn’t know the context between his new ally-ship. She’d probably think he was crazy. And he definitely couldn’t have that. 

Well, he was good at convincing people, wasn’t he? He was Steven Universe, voice for all, and he didn’t give up on anyone. He never had before, save for the Diamonds, who he hadn’t ever fully trusted— let alone forgiven. 

But Lapis? She was his friend. She trusted him, and he trusted her. He needed her help. How could she say no to that? He would just have to make sure she didn’t see Jasper before he asked her to help. He could always warm her up to the Quartz later. It would all have to work out in the end. 

He’d make sure of it. 

•••

Mr. Universe, although worried out of his wits over his son’s recent behavior, never did end up involving the police. 

Namely because he didn’t trust that they’d help much, after some consideration. Steven was a gem. He had abilities and senses that humankind couldn’t possibly compete with, plus knowledge of Earth and its mechanisms. 

They wouldn’t find him anytime soon, no matter how hard they tried, if Steven didn’t want to be found. 

“Yo, Greg”, Amethyst shouted from somewhere downstairs. “Lapis and Peridot are back.” 

Greg sat up right away. They’d all been waiting to hear back from them, and as Bismuth had taken a short trip with newly-made friends to a neighboring city, there hadn’t been as much construction as usual. Little Homeworld was also nearly complete, so free time was in abundance for the pair. (Well, if you count searching for your missing friend as ‘free time’.)

As Greg descended the stairs, the sight at the door made him want to laugh for the first time in a while: Peridot was angrily wiping mud and water from her arms as Lapis tried to hide a smirk; clearly there had been some goofing off on the way back. Greg was glad that they could still have a little fun.

“Any news?”, he asked. 

Lapis shrugged. “Sort of. We’re certain that Steven poofed a gem—“

“ _What?!_ ”

“—accidentally. It happened the other day.” 

Peridot held up a finger. “Yeah, but we didn’t get any hint to where he could be.” She sounded defeated, frustrated. “I’m really sorry, Greg.” 

Greg sighed. “It isn’t your fault, you guys. He’ll turn up. I know he’s okay. He’s strong. And maybe hurt... and I’m trying to understand what’s going on with him, but he’s okay. For now.” 

As sure as his words sounded, Greg was praying he was right, but the quiet nods from Connie and the Crystal Gems were at least a bit reassuring. 

Outside, it was pouring buckets. It hadn’t rained like this in what must have been months— this was a proper storm, with deafening booms of thunder and flashes of electricity every now and again. 

To Greg, the chaos was calming. It reminded him of his music. 

It reminded him of Rose, too. 

As the storm raged on, Greg settled himself on the couch, trying to decide whether to make himself a sandwich or not. All he’d been able to stomach today thus far had been leftover takeout, which had been soggy and unpleasant, but he didn’t have the energy to care anymore. 

Someone tapped his arm, and it took him a second to wake himself up and turn around. It was Pearl. He hadn’t even felt her sit down. 

“Garnet, Amethyst and I were thinking of doing another search of the old gem buildings. Maybe we just missed him!” 

Pearl was smiling, sounding like she didn’t have a shred of faith in what she was saying.

“You could come along, if you’d like”, she added. 

Greg shrugged. “Why not?” 

••• 

The barn that Lapis and Peridot had originally resided in had long been destroyed, smashed to bits by Lapis in a fight against the Diamonds back before they’d ended their reign, but Peridot sometimes came back to where it had stood. The “pool” she’d made for Lapis had been a source of pride for her; it signified her willingness to learn and care about someone else and Peridot was very proud of that. She’d come so far in the time that she’d come to Earth, it was almost cringe-worthy to think of the gem she’d been before she’d spent any time here. 

Once in a while, Lapis would come up here too, but what with Steven’s recent disappearance and the need to maintain Little Homeworld, she hadn’t accompanied Peridot in ages. But Peridot didn’t mind that, the view from here was lovely either way. 

Today was a sunny, breezy day, Peridot’s favorite weather. There was new growth around where the barn had been, grass and flowers slowly starting to cover the bald spot of dirt on the ground. Although they were wildflowers, Peridot considered them hers, in a way. They liked to hang out here too, and they attracted all manner of pollinators (many of which Peridot had been trying to learn about this past year).

Coming up here was relaxing to Peridot, something she sorely needed these days. All of Steven’s family and friends had been busy looking for him, trying to track where he was going and what he was doing with confusing and conflicting results. Things were making less and less sense. 

For instance, Steven poofing Nephrite didn’t make sense at all to Peridot. In all the time she’d known him, he’d been so against that sort of thing, even by accident— far too careful and considerate to ever let that sort of thing happen, and if it did, he wouldn’t just leave. 

Not the Steven _she_ knew, anyway. 

As Peridot frowned, doubtful, a familiar voice rang out across the grass, calling for her. She bolted up instantly. 

“ _Steven?!_ ”

Sure enough, the figure marching over to her seemed to match the voice, although Peridot wasn’t sure that Steven had been quite that tall the last time she’d seen him. 

...Which wasn’t too long ago. Had he had a ‘growth spurt’, as humans would call it? 

“You’re taller than the last time I saw you”, Peridot commented, analyzing his new height among the other seemingly new traits she was beginning to notice. 

Greater height, a tougher physique, and his garment was roughed-up on the edges of his sleeves to the point where the shirt was more of a tank top. The yellow star she’d always associated with Steven was faded and dirty, which made her uncomfortable for a reason she couldn’t name. 

“Hi, Peridot”, Steven greeted the shorter gem as he came to a halt in front of her. 

Peridot had to look up to meet his gaze. There was something off about the look in his eyes. “Steven, everyone’s been so worried—“

“Hey”, he cut in. “I’m fine, okay? I’m here to ask for your help.” He glanced around. “Is Lapis here?” 

“No...”, Peridot answered, squinting suspiciously at the young man. “Why?” 

Without acknowledging her question, Steven turned around, looking somewhere in the tree line. He made a waving motion with his hand.

Something big was coming from the trees. 

Someone. 

Oh, stars, it was Jasper. Peridot thought she felt her limbs go numb. Why was the unruly quartz here now?! 

“Steven?”, Peridot squeaked. “What’s she doing here?!” 

He looked back down at her. “Don’t worry. Jasper’s with me now. I just didn’t want to risk Lapis seeing her and freaking ou—“

“You didn’t want Lapis to see her? What about _me?_ Why is she with you?” 

Jasper looked amused, but didn’t speak, only standing stiffly in front of Steven and Peridot. Steven sighed. 

“She’s helping me, Peridot. It’s fine, okay? I came here to ask for your help, too.” 

“I— I’m sorry, Steven, but I need some context here! This is really unprecedented, you’ve been missing for days, the others will want to know where you’ve been...” 

Peridot stopped talking when she noticed Steven turning the same neon-pink color she’d heard about from Nephrite and the Crystal Gems. She didn’t know what it meant, but she wasn’t about to risk setting him off, like he had set off on that Nephrite... 

But Steven didn’t seem worried. He put up his hands in a passive gesture, but took a step towards her at the same time. “Seriously. This is all fine, just bear with me, okay? All I need is to figure out how to get to Homeworld without using the Homeworld warp, and without being detected. I think you might have some expertise...”

Peridot wasn’t listening anymore. She was backing away. He wasn’t listening to her at all! It was exactly the opposite of what she expected from him. 

And stars, it wasn’t comforting that Jasper was advancing on her, too, just a step behind Steven, as if she was ready to pounce at the drop of a hat. 

Why was she so quiet? Jasper, of all people, was the most brash, angry, sharp-tongues gem Peridot had ever met, besides Lapis. But they weren’t very alike, in her eyes: Jasper was just plain mean. 

Both Steven and Jasper were acting weird, and they were working together. This didn’t sit well with Peridot. 

Not at all. 

Steven was still rambling about Homeworld, something about Peridot’s knack for engineering. 

With a desperate glance to the exposed metal pipes sticking out of the ground where the barn had been, Peridot silently began to will them to move, sensing the leftover rainwater that had collected in the open ones. If she could just twist this one the right way— 

A shrill popping noise made Steven’s head whip around, startled. Peridot had successfully burst a pipe, bending it into knots until the water forced itself out. Jasper was approaching it to investigate as Steven laughed nervously, saying something to Jasper about his jumpiness, so Peridot took that as her opportunity to run. 

So she did. 

Golly, she wished she had her metal lid with her. Her little legs weren’t doing her much good right now, but it appeared as if she’d ducked behind a shrub just in time. 

Peering through, it seemed Steven and Jasper had finally noticed she was gone, with Steven looking around and shouting for her again. 

If she was lucky, she thought, she could skirt around them and get back to Little Homeworld— and Lapis— and tell everyone that Steven was okay, though being a little strange. 

Peridot shook her head. She needed to focus on getting further away without being seen. 

But as soon as she set foot outside of the bush, something grabbed her hand and pulled her into the air. Peridot yelped in surprise. 

Jasper’s disapproving yellow glare bore into her as she whipped her head back to shout, “Found her!” 

“Put me down!” 

“If you insist”, grunted Jasper, opening her hand and letting Peridot fall clumsily at her feet. 

Steven was jogging up to them, pink glow still prevalent across his form. 

As he got close enough, Peridot blinked: had she imagined those shapes in his eyes? 

No, she realized. 

There _were_ diamonds there. 

Steven’s stiffly cheery demeanor from moments ago had faded. 

“Can’t you just support me, Peridot? Aren’t you my friend? My family?” 

“W—well, of course, Steven, I just—“ 

“Then why won’t you listen to me? I’m asking for your help here, that’s all, I don’t—“, he trailed off, laughing awkwardly, “I don’t see the problem here. Don’t you trust me?” 

She really didn’t. 

As she hesitated, Steven’s face darkened. “So that’s a no?” 

Peridot was quick to hold up her hands. “No! I mean, I do trust you! But you’re just so different, and honestly, you’re starting to scare me, Steven—“ 

His frown deepened, upper lip curling as if she’d insulted him. “Peridot, _really?_ You’ve tried to kill me numerous times before. Or did you forget about that? Pretty convenient for you, huh?” 

“That was in the past! That isn’t who I am now, I don’t—“ 

“ _Stop it!_ ”, Steven shouted, fists in his hair, and Peridot fell to her knees with a hiss at the powerful wave of energy blasting suddenly through her. 

Peridot was terrified now. This wasn’t the boy she knew at all. Steven didn’t act like this. He didn’t make her feel afraid. 

Unable to get up, Peridot watched helplessly as Jasper leaned down to grab her by the arm again. Peridot wanted to kick her off, but for fear of their reaction, she merely remained quiet. 

Steven was still a blinding shade of pink. The waves had stopped, though, and he was audibly easing his breathing, slowly rising his face to look at Peridot. 

“If you won’t even hear me out, then you really don’t care about me at all. But I still need your help. Please understand.” 

He glanced up to Jasper, a sort of somber expression on his partially-stubbled face, and nodded to her. 

“Lead the way.” 

The quartz grinned. 

“Certainly.”


End file.
